When I tell people I broke my nose doing yoga they look at me kinda half-smiling, like they’re not sure if I’m joking or not. Like it’s not even that good of a story, but I think it’s pretty funny anyway.
Every Tuesday I go to yoga with my sister and my aunt. It’s one of my favourite things to do because I get to lie down and stretch different parts of my body which usually don’t get a lot movement because of my condition. It feels great doing that, and I always end up laughing during yoga (usually because someone farted). My favourite part though, is the relaxation part; because I get to go to sleep for 15 minutes or so. I don’t think I’m meant to go to sleep, I’m supposed to meditate or something like that. But I don’t because let’s be honest, meditation is pretty damn boring, it’s enough to send anyone to sleep.
One Tuesday afternoon, a few months ago, I was doing yoga when I broke my nose. The ironic thing about breaking my nose at yoga is that literally an hour before I was having a boxing lesson, and you’d think it’d be more likely that I would hurt myself doing something active, like boxing and not yoga where I’m meant to be relaxing. But hey, shit happens right.
Anyway, I was doing the Cobra pose when it happened. Basically, I was arching my back upwards with my legs on the floor (I’ve attached a picture of said pose), and my yoga teacher was holding my shoulders steady. Suddenly my leg spasmed and I twisted out of her grip; I was trying to stop moving so I locked my arms out in a desperate attempt to hold myself in position. This was a bad idea, because I got my upper body involved and my leg was still jumping on the ground like a rabbit caught in headlights. I couldn’t hold myself still in the end and my arms gave out without warning, which meant I face-planted like some deranged mental patient.
The first thing that went through my mind when I landed was ‘fuck, that hurts so much more than I would have expected from carpet’. The pain was so intense; and suddenly I wasn’t relaxed anymore. I kept waiting for it to subside a little, but it didn’t. I became aware of this weird moaning sound coming from somewhere near me, I thought it was my teacher carrying on like that. After a moment, I realised it was coming from me and try as I might I just couldn’t stop it. The tears were running down my face and so was the blood. It was everywhere, it kept getting into my mouth and making me panic; I was struggling to breathe and I remember looking over my sister and shouting at her that I couldn’t breathe. That seemed to make my teacher and my aunt come rushing over and they helped me sit up and wipe away the blood.
I sat there for ages trying to stop my nose from bleeding. My yoga teacher told me she heard a loud crack when I went down, but I could only remember the pain. I left a blood stain on her carpet which I felt bad about, but at the same time found it quite amusing imagining her telling her clients that it was blood from another client who misbehaved during class.
By the time I’d gotten home my nose had swollen up and the bruising was starting to come out. My nose was only slightly crooked, but I didn’t know if that was from the swelling or not. I’d just have to wait a few days to see if it went down. I hadn’t been 100% sure that I’d broken it at that stage, I kept expecting to get a black-eye but only got a little bit of a shiner. Maybe I’d been overreacting by thinking I’d broken it.
After 10 days of no improvement regarding the crookedness of my nose I went to the local hospital and they confirmed for me that it was broken. They told me they could perform a minor operation to reset it for me without me feeling a thing. So of course I did that, no pain – are you kidding?
It was a pretty neat little operation and everything went as planned which meant I came out with a brand-new nose. I just want to be clear, it’s not fake or anything, they just moved it around. But now I can tell people I’ve had a nose job.
In hindsight; I find the whole face-planting thing quite funny, but it’s still something I never ever want to do again. My yoga teacher ended up getting the blood out of her carpet, and now she’s able to laugh about it with me. I love watching people’s face when I tell them I broke my nose at yoga, it’s kind of embarrassing but I can still see the funny side to it. After all, if you lose the funny side then life becomes way too boring.